A GHOST - by Litto Bezama

Confusion, Sadness, and Loneliness were some of the feelings that governed my life for a while. I used to live in a bubble and I didn’t let anyone in. My room became my fort, a dark fort I should add, nothing but darkness and cold wind flowing around as my only company. I used to sleep most of the time, trying to avoid thinking thoughts like, how alone I was or “is there someone that loves me?” I already knew the answers to these questions, but I couldn’t think of the right answers, my mind was filled with pity for myself; it was like a cloud was in my brain that didn’t let me think about anything else.

Some of these attacks made me feel a knot in my throat, that was choking me, which made my respiration harder.  There was a feeling in my chest of something that wanted to explode, or cry-out to the world “I’m here.”  It was taking over my mind, and all I could do was try to repress that feeling, try to calm down, and to loosen this knot that was making my eyes watery.

I look back at that time of my life, and sometimes I get scared that this ghost might hunt me again, the ghost of feeling abandoned and sad all the time; this ghost that whispered in my ear telling me that I had nobody, that I’m content to live in darkness, playing with my brain, attacking me in a way that I didn’t realize until I touched the wounds.

I suffered the attacks of this ghost called depression for a while, I used to feel alone, it’s like no other feeling, and it’s so hard to overcome. I made my friends feel like I didn’t want to be around them anymore, but that was just part of the confusion I had, I didn’t even know who I was.

This phenomenon called depression is so horrible, you feel like you’re trapped within yourself, like you are drowning, as if you are sinking in quicksand. The persons that fall on this monster’s claws basically become zombies, dead but alive. I remember that when I was in a depression, I wouldn’t do anything at all; it was like I had no will to live, even at the young age I was and still am.

I had forgotten how much I love to laugh, or how I like to have fun with my friends, but once God was in my life in the most important place, the depression faded little by little until I was free of darkness.

The Creator of all life, of every living thing helped me to overcome this depression, and realize the big mistake that I was creating by letting my friends go away from me. I realized that the ghost I talked about previously was in my mind the entire time, and that with the right guidance I was able to not fall into the power of this ghost once again.